A lot of couples were divorcing in the 1970's, and I know many people think that if a husband and wife are fighting, it's better for the kids if they just get divorced. I didn't believe that back then, and I still don't believe it now. The tearing apart of our family was a traumatic experience. People should work harder to get along, even if only for the sake of their kids. If home life is less than perfect, it is still better for kids if the parents stay together. The divorce was certainly the beginning of "the wrong path" for me.

Dad anticipated the divorce and realized Mom was unprepared to be independent. She'd never learned to drive, she'd never had a job — her life up to that point had been staying at home taking care of us kids. So before they divorced Dad taught her to drive, and she got a job. When she was able to take care of herself, Dad left my mom for his secretary. So we suddenly went from an intact, imperfect family with our mom at home with us before and after school and during the long summer days, to a split family and being left alone at home for long periods of time. My sister and I especially acted out. It was then I started drinking. It seems incredible to me looking back on that; I see 12-year-olds now and they seem like babies to me. My sister and I both also started smoking at that age. By age 13 or 14 we were smoking pot, and, of course, in high school it was much more prevalent.

Frequently teenagers today will tell me I don't understand what it's like for them in school now. I know kids have it rough these days, but when I was in high school, I had friends pregnant at age 15, smoking and drugs were rampant, other kids would gang up on individuals and beat them right off the edge of the school grounds, so I feel I do understand what they are going through to a certain extent.

Addictions progress. I went through many of the major drugs, I'm sorry to say. My grades fmally suffered somewhat as a senior, due to smoking pot every day. After high school, I got into cocaine and much later, methamphetamines I don't necessarily broadcast this information, but I do share with anyone who can profit by knowing it. I have shared it with each one of our kids as they got older, not because I just wanted to tell them all about what I did, but because I hoped they could learn from my mistakes.

All this while, there was another power working in my life. As newborns, we kids began attending church. Since mom didn't drive and Dad wouldn't take us to church, our dad's mom wanted to be sure we got Christian teaching. She took it upon herself to take us to church at the Church of God, and we were pretty faithful about church attendance until we were 9 or 10. Not so much after we moved out to Lakewood, but we did attend sporadically as teenagers. Unfortunately there was no carry-over, no Christianity in our home. So the seed was planted, but there was no continuity.

The church had a summer camp which we attended every year. I remember around age 11 kneeling at the altar and praying the prayer of salvation. I know that was the beginning that would eventually bear fruit, but as a teenager I didn't live a Godly, Christian life. However, even when I wasn't following the Lord, I can look back now and see His hand at work in my life.

Interestingly, I have a Facebook account, and just within the last six months I received a friend request from one of the head counselors at that camp, Jill King. Jill and her husband Randy ran the camp for many years. We aren't related to them, but because we had the same last names we used to refer to Randy and Jill as "Dad" and "Mom." We were pretty close to them, so it was a wonderful surprise to hear from her after all these years. She is still a terrific encouragement to me in my walk with Jesus.

I attended Norwalk schools for another year after the divorce. Then Mom remarried, and we moved to West Des Moines. I attended Indian Hills Junior High for 8th grade, then began my freshman year at Valley High School. About 3/4 of the way through the year, I moved in with my dad on the south side of Des Moines. That year Lincoln High School included only grades 10, 11, and 12, so I had to finish out 9th grade at Brody Junior High School.

It was pretty rough switching from the high school environment back to junior high. Also, the West Des Moines schools were more advanced than the Des Moines schools. They didn't have some of the classes I had been taking, which were available at Brody, so they set me apart in several of my classes. They gave me higher level school work than the other kids in the class so I wouldn't get bored, but I was not given credit for the advanced work. It was not a good way to integrate into a new school. Since I was separated in the classroom, working on my own assignments, I was essentially not part of the class. However, I learned that I was expected to follow the rules for the rest of the class. One day, as I went to sharpen my pencil, I realized the room had become quiet. I looked back, and the teacher said, "Krista, we don't get up to sharpen our pencils in the middle of class." All I could think was, "I'm not part of the class."

The situation was very awkward. I had a hard time making friends. The three of us siblings were closer than many friends we had outside our family. My brother and I were especially close. We would sit up late at night and do school work, and we'd talk about the future — how when we grew up we were never going to get divorced, we weren't going to do that to our kids. That didn't prove true for either of us, but it was our determination then.

Our step-dad was a deputy sheriff, not easy to get along with. His line of work meant he dealt with the worst of society, so he had a jaded perspective of most people. Plus he never really wanted kids. It was rough. We started out well with my step-mom. She had always wanted kids, and she took extra steps to try and bond with us since dad couldn't have any more. But because of the circumstances of the divorce we eventually targeted her. Taking on someone else's nearly grown children turned out to be too much of a challenge for her. As an adult and as a Christian, I have thought it would be nice if I ran into her some day so I could apologize for how horrible we were, but the opportunity has not arisen. Subsequently she and Dad divorced, and he again married his secretary.

I graduated from Lincoln High School in 1984, and with a 3.8 grade point average I was in the top 8% of my class in spite of the partying. I could have graduated a year earlier as I had earned enough credits, but I really didn't want that. I liked learning new things, and I wanted to take advantage of the free education. It was in high school that I got so turned on to writing. In addition to all my creative writing classes, I was on the school newspaper. Several of the articles that I'd written had been reprinted in the Southside Shopper. I wanted to go to college to be a political journalist, but I couldn't come through with scholarships or tuition.

I also wasn't getting along with my dad very well. Because of a dispute, I left rather abruptly after graduation and moved in with a girl I worked with. That was where I traveled farther down the wrong path. We would go out drinking two or three times a week, and we were heavily involved in drugs. At that time I was working at McDonalds.

My girlfriend and I decided the military was the way to go, as it would provide money for college. We signed up for the National Guard, which only required one weekend a month. At that time they had the buddy system. They didn't guarantee to keep the buddies together, but they would try. Once we were accepted, they told us the date we were to show up for our first week­end drill, so my girlfriend decided we should start getting into shape. We went for a jog, and while we were out a dog ran right in front of me. I lengthened my stride to keep from stepping on him, but when my foot hit the ground, my knee was literally destroyed. Twenty-three years later I found out how serious it was. The results of an MRI revealed I had torn cartilage on both sides of my knee and my ACL, the ligament that runs through the middle of the knee, was completely torn.

At that time I didn't have insurance, so I didn't see a doctor. When I reported for my first weekend of military duty, we were informed that we had to perform P.T (physical training). I explained that my knee was the size of a basketball, and I surely couldn't run. When they asked if I brought a doctor's excuse, I couldn't produce one. I didn't know what to expect, so I didn't know I needed to bring one. They simply said, "If you don't have a doctor's note, you have to go out there and run." I went out and hobbled around until I dropped, at which point the injury became the military's responsibility.

For the next year they had to pay for my medical care, flying me out to Fitzsimmon's Medical Center in Colorado several times for doctor appointments and once for surgery. The night before it was scheduled, the doctors chose not to perfonu surgery. At that time they did not have microscopic capability at the military hospital, and regular surgery would have ruined the muscles. They felt I was too young for that and instead they did physical therapy. After a year of unsuccessfully trying to deal with the knee and no completion of boot camp, I was given an "uncharacteristic discharge." It's a discharge which essentially put me in the category of never having been in the military. I was out, and my girlfriend had to go through boot camp alone. Her letters about that experience sounded like a nightmare, and I was relieved I hadn't gone.

I began looking for a grown-up job. I applied at Principal because my mom had worked there when it was Banker's Life. I received no response and called repeatedly to ask if there were any openings. In fact, I called so frequently that they began to recognize my voice before I ever identified myself. This went on for quite a while, until one day I was told my application had been pulled because it had been over a year. I went back in, filled out another application, and started calling again. It was soon afterward they gave me a job. I felt sure it was to get me to leave them alone. I started out as a file clerk delivering files for underwriters, but it was possible to apply for other positions within the company. I took every opportunity and continued to progress, working my way into accounting work, and from there to computer programming, creating reports for group employers, such as Hy-Vee.

I met and began dating Dan Pottorff in 1988. We were married in October of 1989, and had our son Joshua on August 4, 1990. The marriage lasted about three years, ending shortly before Joshua's second birthday. Again, I saw the horrible effect divorce had on Joshua, even at such a young age. I was very troubled that I had failed at something so important to me. In a way, it was the beginning of coming to the end of myself. I know the Lord was calling me at this time, but I was only responding half-heartedly. The result was that I continued to drink way too much alcohol, and it was during this time I began using methamphetamines.

A year later, in August of 1993, I met Rick Woodard. Rick worked at the Post Office on 2nd Avenue in Des Moines. The girlfriend I entered the military with also worked there, so we ran in the same circles. I was actually at a bar with my mom one night, and Rick asked for my phone number. Rick was very persistent trying to set up a first date. I was reluctant, because I had a bad track record choosing men, but he wouldn't let up. I finally relented, and our first date ended up being the three of us — Rick; Joshua and myself. We went to a park and laughed as Joshua pestered the geese until they began to chase him, then Rick cooked dinner for us. Six months later on Valentine's Day, Rick proposed and I accepted. It was very romantic, Rick on one knee and me wiping the tears from my eyes. After a warm embrace, Rick jumped up and said, "I've got to go get my minnow bucket out of the truck so they don't freeze." How funny is that?! But when he came in with the minnow bucket, it was actually packed with snow and contained a bottle of champagne for celebration.

After that, I reluctantly agreed to sell one of our homes and live together. I knew it was morally wrong, same as with the drugs. But I hadn't surrendered my life yet, so I was powerless to stand against it. And, of course, once we were living together all talk of marriage ceased. Why bother at that point? Rick had two daughters, Jessica and Heather, from a previous marriage, and I was trying to blend our families I had Josh every other weekend. Rick was working evenings, and I was working during the day, 40 to 50 hours a week, home after work every day trying to feed and care for Joshua and take care of the house and laundry — it was all very overwhelming. For a while, I actually felt like I had to use the drugs just to stay awake long enough to get everything done. By this time, I began pushing my employer, trying to get them to allow me to work part-time. But they wouldn't have it, and eventually I quit in exhaustion.

It was while we were living together that God began to get through to me. I was attending church faithfully and reading the Bible; I had prayed for God's sanctification in my life and I was really starting to see Him working. But my life was so far from the Godly life described in the Bible. It came to a point where I couldn't justify our living arrangements. Rick knew it, so we made plans to "elope." We contacted a Justice of the Peace, made arrangements with the Botanical Center, brought a couple witnesses and a camcorder, and we were married on May 21, 1995. Unfortunately, three weeks later we had a big fight, and he moved out. Suddenly, I had lost the very things in my life that I had relied upon. I had a mortgage to pay, and a son to take care of, but I had no job and my husband was gone. I spent nights trying to figure out how to start a new job that would pay for a baby sitter, pay a mortgage, and still feed us. I clung to the words in Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

During the next six months, the Lord reached out to me and provided for our needs in so many incredible ways. As I got behind on the mortgage and utility bills, I finally decided to hock my wedding ring. After I got some financial assistance, I went back to the pawn shop and got it back. Later, as the mortgage had gone into default and was nearing foreclosure, I decided I would move to Georgia, stay with my sister and try to get my life back in order. Once that appeared to be an unwise decision, I instead offered a tearful and heartfelt prayer for money. Within a half hour I received a letter from Principal reminding me I had a fairly large sum of money that I had put into a pension fund waiting for me. I was praising God for that! It allowed me to catch up on the mortgage and other bills and provide food for a while.

Eventually, after Rick had been gone nearly six months, I needed money again. I was trying to live by the Bible but was confused about our situation. Malachi says without a doubt that God hates divorce, but in Ezra, after God's people had married outside their faith, they were all commanded to divorce them. Since Rick was not a Christian, and there seemed no evidence at all that our marriage would ever work out, I was ready to hock that wedding ring for good. I remember praying, "God, I don't see how there is any hope for this marriage. Unless you know something I don't, it appears to be over and I'm getting rid of this ring for good."

However, when I went to the same guy to hock the ring, he checked it out and told me he wouldn't give me anything for it. He said the diamond was cracked. Even after I pointed out that he'd given me money for it before, he wouldn't have anything to do with it. I went back to the car in tears and prayed, "OK, God. I don't know how I am going to get through this, but I'll trust you for more money." When I got home, there was a check in the mail. Once again, God proved Himself to be my provider. Within a week or two, Rick finally came to me and said he wanted to move back home and try to make things work. I know all those things had to happen for me to learn to trust Jesus for everything in my life — not my job, nor my husband.

I had been many months without the meth, and I was so happy. As a new Christian I was sure I was free of it. However, I was exposed to it again, and I hated myself but I used again. Drugs do different things to different people. There are those who get desperate and will kill, steal or destroy in order to get money for that next fix. Not so with me. If it was around, I couldn't "just say no" - I simply had to do it. But when it wasn't around, I hated it and didn't want to do it.

I used one or two more times, and it scared me. I thought God had delivered me from it, but I realized I was not through with this yet. I couldn't bring myself to get into a drug program —how do I tell people I'm a Christian and I use drugs? So one weekend when I was exposed to it, I spent the entire weekend in bed, sobbing and praying. "0 God, keep me from this!" I struggled thinking I would just use it one time, and then I would cry out to God again. He brought me through it. By the time Monday came around, I was shaky but relieved. Now, if I'm around it, I don't have to do it.

Even though Rick and I both grew up in Des Moines, we had always wanted a farm. My grandparents had a farm in Ottumwa, and Rick had some relatives on a farm in Seymour, so we both had some exposure when we were younger. God opened the door for us to be able to come here. Rick and I spent over a year looking for a place. I had just gotten a position doing medical transcription work from home which allowed me to be there as much as possible with the kids. Our income level was not what it had been, so we were trying to find a place we could afford, which was difficult. One day we saw an advertisement for an 80 acre "organic hobby farm." We looked at each other and started laughing "What's a hobby farm?" we wondered. We made an appointment with Brenda Crawford to look at another house, but when we checked it out we knew it wasn't going to work for us. That's when she said, "Well, we do have this 80 acre hobby farm listed." We laughed again, thinking "Not the hobby farm!" But we went and looked, and my husband fell absolutely head over heels in love with the place.

Immediately after we bought it, we sold 40 acres to a friend. On our 40 we have several large gardens, an apple orchard, herb beds, a strawberry bed, and trees — everywhere trees. Duane and Carol Deemer, who owned the property before us, loved nature and planted all these things. They also made a map on posterboard of everything they planted on the property with a corresponding list that tells what each item is. So... that's what an organic hobby farm is. We've been able to bless families in the home school group each fall when the apples are ready to harvest. We load up three or four baskets I can use for apple butter and canning, then offer an  invitation to anybody who wants to come and pick their own apples.

One of the first things we discovered about people in Clarke County is how incredibly friendly everyone is. It's such a nice environment compared to Des Moines, and now I am absolutely head over heels in love with the community. I've often thought that 40 acres is a lot to take care of if anything were ever to happen to Rick, but I don't think I could bring myself to move back into town. I just love it out in the country. In Des Moines we had lived on a road that ran adjacent to I-235. On the other side of the freeway a sound barrier had been erected for the homeowners. Unfortunately, there wasn't a similar barrier on our side, so the sound bounced off that barrier and amplified. We couldn't carry on a conversation with neighbors in the next yard because the noise was so loud, and if I watch home videos of the kids looking for Easter eggs in the yard, the traffic noise is horrendous.

Jessica, Rick's oldest daughter, lived with us until she married shortly after she graduated from North High School in 1998. We moved just south of Woodburn in August of that year, and Heather and Joshua both attended Clarke Community for one year. That was when God opened the door for me to home school the kids. I taught Heather for her 8th grade year, and she decided to go back to public school the next year. Unfortunately, she felt we were too strict and several months into the year she moved back to Des Moines to live with her mom.

I continued to home school Josh from 4th grade all the way up to graduation in May 2008, and it was wonderful. There are some opportunities with home schooling that you can't utilize in a class with 30 kids, not to mention it takes less time to teach because it is essentially one-on-one tutoring. It also promotes family closeness. I can't imagine what it would have been like, especially during those teenage years, to see the kids for only a few hours each evening — hours that would be filled with chores, homework and dinner. And I loved teaching. I was always getting excited about finding something new to try. We would also do things in addition to curriculum studies that proved educational.

One example was the storm spotter training sessions conducted by the National Weather Service every spring in different counties. When I saw that advertised, I took Josh and we both really enjoyed the presentation and learned a ton of stuff. We became official storm spotters, and occasionally receive phone calls from the National Weather Service in regard to weather conditions. One instance was last May. They called to inform us that their radar indicated tornadic activity southwest of our house and wanted to know what we could see. It appeared to be sunny outside, so the call caught me off guard. When we looked out the window, we spotted a cloud that was funnel shaped but didn't appear to be rotating. It looked like it could become a tornado if it kept working at it, but it eventually passed over. I thought storm chasing would be another fun school activity, but the groups that let you tag along charge around $3,000 to do so — a little out of our budget.

I am delighted that Josh and his father stayed in close contact. Some years ago I heard a radio program in which Dr. Dobson reported that 50% of fathers, after they have been divorced from the mothers for three years, have no contact with their children. That figure is astounding to me — how do you just forget you have kids? Hearing that made me really thankful for our situation. Josh loved soccer, so he signed up to participate with the Osceola Parks and Rec every fall. His dad came to his game every Saturday morning for six weeks in a row. He drove all the way from Perry to Osceola to see that one hour soccer game. If it was Josh's weekend to go with his dad they would go from there, but on the other weekends Dan would drive down, watch the game, then drive all the way home. That was wonderful. Kids really need that.

As a home school student, Josh was allowed to participate in Clarke Community School activities if I dual-enrolled him. During his freshman year he took an art class, and for several years he performed with the band. In his senior year we were not dual-enrolled. When Rick and I spent a few days at a cabin at Lake Rathbun for a little get-away, Josh stayed home. He called one night around 8:30 and said, "I'm at the school."

When I asked him why he was there he told me he was trying out for a play. I was surprised that he could do that since he wasn't a student at Clarke. His senior year was the first time he had ever done any drama with the school. It used to be that any time he had to stand in front of a group of people, he'd get really nervous. Once at a band performance when he was asked to stand up as they were listing off kids chosen for honor band, it looked like he was trying not to throw up he was so nervous. For this reason I was surprised that he was considering being in a play. However, Joshua had attended a speech class taught by one of the moms in the home school group while he was in 9th grade. During that class he seemed to discover it wasn't so scary to be in front of people. He did end up receiving a part in that play, "Grease," and again later in his senior year he had a speaking part in "The Miracle Worker."

Having graduated, Joshua is now seeking full-time employment and is getting ready to take some classes for ministry. Jessica works at Wells Fargo and is married to Dave, a firefighter with the Urbandale Fire Department. They have a daughter, Becca, who is now four. There's nothing like being a Grandma! Heather lives in Des Moines and works as a dancer.

Rick continues to work at the Post Office in Des Moines. When he suggested we put the bid on the house I asked if he really wanted to drive all that way back and forth to work. He said, "It's worth it!" Not so for me. If I were to work in Des Moines, that would create a LOT of hours that nobody would be home with the kids. It still comes back to what happened in my life when there were no parents around to keep an eye on me.

For the first couple years after we moved I was able to stay home full time with the kids. But once Heather moved in with her mom, the child support shifted and it was necessary for me to get employment. Also at that time, my mom was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. She had been team-driving a semi with her boyfriend. As a result they had no home, and she needed a place to stay while receiving treatment. She moved in with us for several months until she and her boyfriend bought a trailer nearby. We somehow managed to home school and get her to and from chemotherapy appointments at the same time I went back to work. I was hired at Bethphage, a job I chose specifically for the 3:00 to 11:00 shift. Rick was working days, so I wanted an evening shift that would leave small periods of time that Josh would be alone. Mom passed away eighteen months after she was diagnosed. The very month that we were watching her life come to an end, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. We buried her less than two years later: What a difficult time for our family, losing both mothers in two years.

I worked at Bethphage (now Mosaic) for about 2 1/2 years, and that is one tough job. I had never done that kind of work before, and I have a lot of respect for people who can work there for long periods of time! In November of 2003, I took a job at the Osceola Public Library, and I've been there 6 1/2  years now. After we finished home schooling, Rick and I figured I would seek full-time employment so we could pay down the mortgage, maybe even get a car that wasn't 17 years old. But as it turned out we manage with what we have, and Rick is content with me working part-time locally so that I am home more.

I attend Grace Bible Church at 410 North Dewey. One of my co-workers refers to it as "the Morton Building church." I became acquainted with the church through a wonderful friend in the home school group. I was having a difficult time finding a church since leaving Des Moines, so I accepted Martha's invitation, and I've loved it ever since. Our pastor is Cass Young. He started the church, but later took a position as youth pastor at a church in Illinois. Chuck Myer was the pastor when I began attending in 2000. Two or three years ago, Chuck felt it was time to stop because of family responsibilities. At that time, Cass had actually been thinking of returning to Iowa, so he was offered the position. He's a wonderful pastor. The teaching is right on, the members are like family — it's been such a blessing.

I love my job at the Library. When I first started, it was an easy job. And apparently it appeared that way to others, because people would ask, "What else do you have to do?" If they only knew what goes on behind the scenes! At some point the director, Judy Coe, approached me about taking classes to get certification through the state as a librarian. I was under the impression at the time that all of the full time equivalent librarians were expected to become certified. (The library isn't open forty hours a week so technically none of us are "full time." We have some part-time employees who work one or two days a week, but the rest of us who work four or five days a week are considered full time equivalent.)

I took the certification classes — two courses, eight classes for each with weekly assignments and a final project due for each course. For my final project on the first course I created a brochure containing our library information. Judy took it to the Library Board, and they immediately approved it for use. At some point during the second course of classes, the topic of teaching senior computer classes was introduced. Being a home schooler, I chose services for home school families as my fmal project and was excited to implement the plans soon. Once I passed the final course and received my certification I told Judy I wanted to work on home school services, but her response took me by surprise. Judy informed me the Board wanted me to get started creating a computer class for adults, so the home school services would have to wait. It was obvious that the computer classes were quickly becoming a necessity.

For example, one gentleman came in because he saw a sign at Kum & Go that said, "Applications now being accepted." However, when he went in they told him that they didn't accept paper applications, he would have to go online to their website and fill one out there. He didn't have a computer, so he came to the library. Since he had absolutely no exposure to computers, I had to help him get started. In the beginning he didn't even know how to capitalize letters using the shift key. I literally sat with him for 45 minutes that day and walked him through the process of filling out the application. That gentleman now comes in regularly to use our computers, but that first time demonstrates how the knowledge and use of computers is becoming more of a necessity. There are several businesses in Osceola now that do not accept paper applications, and Verizon requires you to register your "Friends and Family" numbers via their website — you can't do it with them in the store.

We had nothing set up for computer classes. Judy gave me a book with tips on how to go about creating class content, so I used that as my springboard. From suggestions I gleaned from the book, I created handouts designed to follow step by step things taught in the class. For people who don't know how to use computers at all, I start with a class teaching basic computer skills, then progress to training on Internet and email for people who want to expand on what they learned. Finally, I teach a class on how to sell on eBay. I've been thinking lately a class on Facebook would also be fun. I really enjoy teaching these classes. I've had people as old as 90 years in the class. I hope when I'm that age, I'll still desire to learn cutting edge technology.

I've also done some freelance writing and desktop publishing. Most recently, I've been acting as editor for the local newsletter, "Osceola Reflections." I've learned more about Osceola since working on that newsletter than I ever knew before! We will continue to produce it for as long as people seem to enjoy it.

Unless God has other plans for us, we will most likely remain right where we are. I am so thankful for Jesus and all that He's done for me and my family. I can't imagine the direction my life would have gone without Him. Every day is a gift, and I hope to live it entirely for Him.

Return to main page for Recipes for Living 2009 by Fern Underwood

Last Revised December 11, 2014